Where do I start, where do I start??? This past week, I hosted 12 beautiful 20 something’s at my home for a stagette party. After they all bounced, and I actually mean bounced into my house, my first thought was ‘youth is definitely wasted on the young’. Now don’t get me wrong, these ladies were awesome, friendly, accomplished, beautiful and very sexy. I was wondering where most of them were holding their internal organs. I mean come on! I remember being a size 10 in my twenties but this size 0 crap is ridiculous. What I really wanted to say was yeah, no shit anything looks good hanging on a body where your waist line is smaller than your shoulders. I normally call that ; “oh that guy/gal has that disease” where their shoulders are wider than their waste. According to my “speaking coach” I am supposed to actually feel the pain of that moment instead of making fun of it. Believe me, I feel it, every time I put on a pair of jeans. I call them God’s tensor bandages. Thank you God for adding spandex to denim! Millions of women around the world may have been converted just by that move.
Ok, now back to the article. I want to know how we women in menopause are supposed to pull off even the idea of being sexy, when as soon as my hair is styled, I start to sweat so the work I have just done bunches up in a frizzy ball anyways.
Case in point, I was feeling a bit sexy last week going out on a surprise date with my husband, so I decided to put on my Victoria Secrete undies, animal print and all. He commented “yeah but they are cotton” and “ I wish they were a thong” to which I pointed out, that Poise does not make a bladder leaking liner yet for up the rear gear! Won’t he be turned on when I start wearing the full, bladder control undies…
Now this got me to thinking, what was our divine planner thinking when he decided to transition us through this 4th stage of life? If I was designing the human experience I would have phased in all this crap starting much younger.
For example, Viagra should have been around when we were in our 20’s and we could actually stay up past 9:30 pm. What good is having all that stamina when we are both sound asleep? Our bones didn’t hurt so much that the bulk of the moaning and groaning was out of desire and not because our lower backs were in spasms.
On the up side, it’s good that you can’t see anything in your 50’s and beyond, because the fact that all your hair turns grey and I do mean ALL your hair turns grey is a bit much, especially when you are up close and personal. My husband suggested we take some video the other day and I had to remind him what my dear friend and comedian Zandra Bell had to say about that. If you want to see what you look like while in the throws of passion, just take a full length mirror and lay it on your bed, then get undressed and get on all fours over top of it and see what you look like! I shutter at just the thought of it.
So what’s a 50 something supposed to do to keep the amore alive and kicking. Here’s what our experts on the topic suggest. I hope it works, because I am running out of expensive products from the ‘love’ shop.
Tips to help you get your sexy back.
- 1. Cultivate your very own irresistible aphrodisiacs.
This means you need to be as healthy as you can be. Move your body, get more oxygen in your system more times per week. Eat a variety of foods that increase energy. High fiber fruits and veggies along with lean protiens keep energy up and that alone will create and energy that is alluring to others. Drink more water. All of these I know you know but here is your reminder. Don’t make me tell you the long mirror example again.
- 2. Think young, fun, and — yes — sexy.
According to Phychcentral; When you watch someone who is enthusiastic, youthful, jovial, and having a good time, do you even notice how old that person is? Probably not. Most likely you just want to get to know that person and be part of the high spirits. And when you keep your attitude and behavior youthful and playful, you’ll be the person others are attracted to and want to know.
- 3. The cardinal rule: The more you ‘do it’, the more you’ll do it!
Masters and Johnson, those famous sex researchers, claimed that continuing to have sex was the “cardinal rule for preserving sexual vigor beyond middle age.” Use it or loose it. Just saying…
- 4. Feeling sexy and attractive is nourished by your funny bone.
One of the best things you can do for yourself is to laugh more. You need to find your funny faster. Life can get exhausting, as we age and you need to pull out every arsenal you have. Laughter keeps us young. So look for and expect to laugh more often. Go and see a funny movie, hang out with friends who love to laugh and see the upside of all things human. The endorphins you will get from laughter will keep you sexy and energized. Laughing is not expensive, and draws people to you. Start today.
So how do you keep yourself feeling attractive and sexy? Send me your ideas and I’ll post them
Yours in Laughter,