A Quote on the Heart vs Mind:
“When it comes to decisions, knowing when to use head or heart, is up to you and the situation you face, although developing the means to cross over and use both spheres adds to the richness of our decision-making power.” — Unknown
On a Personal Note:
When I wrote, “Shift or Get off the Pot!” I had initially thought I would call the book “Make a Decision Already!” The funny thing is, most of the planet hovers because where we are seems to be just fine. The classic dilemma of “heart vs mind” comes into play here, as many of us struggle to decide whether to follow our emotions or logic. As we move into the month of Valentine’s, let’s take this opportunity to practice thinking with our heads, listening to our hearts, and becoming more aware of the value of our decisions made within.
Heart vs Mind: The Timeless Struggle
The same voice in your mind that told you to act, is the same voice that usually ridicules you later for making that choice. Unfortunately, it’s typical in our society to feel a conflict between what we want to do (our heart) and what we feel is practical (our mind). We end up living one-third of our lives in a cubicle for the “benefits.” We stay friends with people we only kind of like. We do and say things to fit in and seem cool that go against what we feel is right in our hearts.
Is your heart at fault? Are your feelings just silly and frivolous? Or maybe it’s your mind that is to blame. It might seem like it’s always coming up with conflicting messages anyway. And on it goes and we never really seem to get to it. There’s a lot of social conditioning that covers up and obscures things too. Even if you feel like that’s the right choice, how do you know for sure? How do you know it’s not just what you think you should do?
This constant battle of heart vs mind leaves many unsure about their choices, keeping them stuck in indecision.
All of this might sound a little over the top, but it’s a real problem. It ruins lives because people can’t make up their minds about whether or not the path of their heart is valid or not. They end up living a shadow of the possibility that they could. All because they couldn’t make up their mind. We are so afraid of making the wrong decision, so we make NO decisions.
There’s a simple answer to this problem. It might seem even a little too simple. But most things are. I am a big believer that when we need to make decisions, we must think about and feel how the decision feels in our bodies. So think about both sides of the decision and take a big breath in. If it energizes you when you think about that decision, then it’s the right decision. If it causes you to feel any amount of stress or tension, then It’s the wrong decision. Not quite convinced? Well, read on…
1. Avoid Confusing the Purpose of the Heart and Mind
The main reason we suffer from this illness of indecision is that we’ve mistaken the purpose of heart and mind. The heart is like a compass – its purpose is to guide the direction our lives should take. Our heart takes a bird’s eye view of our life and says “This is where you are and this is the direction you need to go.” Our mind, on the other hand, isn’t made for making purpose-driven decisions. The nature of the mind is that it conceptualizes, organizes, and compares information. It does this as best it can and says, “Here are the facts, here are both sides of the story.”
If we compare our mind and heart to a courtroom, our mind would be the defendant and the plaintiff (both stories), and our heart would be justice or the judge (the right direction). The reason we’re so troubled by this conflict of “heart vs mind” is that the mind is not only playing the prosecutor and the defense but has taken over the role of the judge as well. The mind should never be the judge. The mind’s job is to compare and contrast, to sort things out and say “This is what I’ve got, do what you want with it.” But more often than not, our mind isn’t doing that. Our mind is making our choices. What’s worse, is even when we don’t need our mind to be at work, it’s still going – comparing and contrasting everything. Brooding, mostly.
Have you ever noticed that even when it’s completely unnecessary to think about anything, your mind is still going? Have you noticed that when this is happening, your mind is getting in the way of your experience? Just a few examples of this that come to mind are: sex, watching a sunset, or taking a shower. A mind doesn’t need to be thinking while doing these things. There’s no point. At all.
2. Tame the Mind
Before we can get the mind to take a break when we don’t need to be incessantly thinking, we have to make friends with it first. If we try to tell our mind to go away, or that we don’t need it, we’ll just encourage it all the more. Instead of a retreat, we’ll get a resurgence—and that’s not what we want.
To end the conflict of heart vs mind, we’ve got to figure out a way to marry this disparate pair. Remember at the start, we suggested that the answer to this problem is simple? Well, it is. But it won’t be easy at first, because we’ve been doing it all wrong for so long. Mind-based decisions have become our ‘default’ setting.
What we need to do is use the mind only to align with ourselves—our heart, intuition, gut, or energy. We must learn to consistently rely on decisions that feel true to our inner selves.
3. Think About Each of Your Decisions
When deciding what phone to get, who to marry, or whether you want to stay at your current job:
- Gain information: What is the implied benefit of the decision? Will it be something you’ll ever regret? Although your mind may be telling you that the temporary benefit of a bad decision will be a wise one, in your heart you may still know that it’s not the best thing to do. Seek information about it and evaluate it in your mind.
- Identify problems: What might go wrong? Will you feel good after making the decision?
- Explore options: Think about what’s best for you, and most of the time doing what your heart tells you to do is the best choice.
- Implement a plan and make a choice: Learn from your mistakes and try, try again.
Doing this due diligence, especially on Big Decisions, takes any remorse away, once the decision is made. Trust yourself, once you have put this time in.
By listening to your heart, you can train your mind to think like it and eventually get them to work in harmony.
4. Keep Practicing to Fall into This New Habit
Have you ever wondered how to tell whether a decision is right? It seems so difficult, doesn’t it? But it becomes so easy when you think, “Is this choice going with me or against me?” You’ll find that the right choice is immediately evident. By practicing this, you’ll begin to bridge the gap between heart vs mind and learn to make choices that align with your true self. Try it out today, and let me know how you do!
Bridging the Gap Between Heart vs Mind
The struggle between heart vs mind is a timeless dilemma, but it doesn’t have to hold you back from making confident decisions. By recognizing the distinct roles of your heart and mind, you can begin to use both in harmony, making choices that align with your true self. Remember, the heart is the compass guiding you toward your purpose, while the mind is a helpful tool for evaluating and organizing information. By taming your mind and learning to trust your heart, you can navigate life’s decisions with more clarity and ease. The more you practice this balance, the more natural it will feel. So, embrace the power of both your heart and mind, and start making decisions that truly reflect who you are.
Adapted from WikiHow
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