Question: What is one thing that you would like to change in your life right now, knowing that doing so would move you towards the life you truly want to be living? This is the question I asked my readers last year, and they came back full force with a variety of answers. I’ve captured these in eleven key categories, which I’ll share shortly. When I reflect on this, I can’t help but ask: Why Do We Hold Ourselves Back? Is it because of our circumstances, debt, or habits?
Through this research, what I found is that we feel like we are trapped in a “Cycle of Busy.” But when we dig deeper, we realize that the answer is more than just external factors; it’s often the choices we make and the patterns we allow ourselves to stay in.
We have shaped our lives around the mindset of “when this, then that, then I will…” I am here to tell you that you don’t have to live your life walking around on eggshells, doing what you think others want, or waiting for that magical “someday” when you can actually live the life you’ve always wanted. It’s time to take your life back. TODAY.
The rest of this journey is for the twenty percent of you who are willing to mix things up. The ones who are open to making that gradual turn out of the “hover-lane.” If nothing else, you can always go back to hovering once you’ve given this new approach a test drive.
But just so we are clear, this is where the proverbial rubber hits the road, and some effort will be required. But don’t worry—you can handle it.
So, let’s circle back to the question: What is ONE thing you want to change to move towards the life you truly desire?
Over one thousand people asked in the Busy Audit, top eleven answers on the board:
- Get More Organized
- Reduce Debt
- Live Healthier
- Stop Procrastinating
- Reduce Stress
- Get Rid of Negative People
- Reduce Guilt
- Increase Career/Job Satisfaction
- Get to Know ‘ME’ Better
- Find More Balance
- Live from a Place of Kindness
Which of these themes hits home for you?
The good news is that taking the leap toward the life you really want isn’t that hard once you make the decision to do so. We’ve already taken care of facing our fears and taming those overburdening thoughts in our minds, so we’re well on our way. Now it’s about gaining a real clear picture of where you want to be and taking the steps to get there.
In the most basic sense, what this research has shown me is that the only way to find clarity in our lives is by reducing or eliminating the clutter. So, in the next eleven chapters, in my book “Breaking Busy” you will have the opportunity to find your clarity while reducing your clutter, by focusing on each of these top eleven themes. They lead the charge for change, according to the survey results. So roll up your sleeves, and let’s get started!
Clearing the Clutter and Gaining Clarity
Note to self: In the next research project I conducted, I asked my readers to tell me what’s holding them back from making a few of these changes.
The #1 answer? The fear of not knowing how it will turn out or whether they will be able to handle it.
I’ll let you in on a little secret: You will handle it. You always have, and you always will.
Why Do We Hold Ourselves Back? The Psychology Behind Self-Limitation
So, why do we hold ourselves back? This is a question that’s deeply ingrained in how we approach life. Many of us hesitate to take action, even when we know that the life we desire is on the other side of change. Let’s explore some of the core reasons behind this tendency.
1. Fear of Failure
No one likes to fail. But for some, the fear of failing is so intense that they’d rather not try at all. This fear often stems from past experiences, societal pressures, or even childhood conditioning. The fear of failure can keep us trapped in a cycle of inaction.
2. Fear of Success
It might sound strange, but success can sometimes feel more terrifying than failure. With success comes responsibility, higher expectations, and sometimes even isolation. Many of us subconsciously avoid success to stay comfortable within our familiar zones.
3. Impostor Syndrome
Ever feel like you don’t deserve your achievements? That’s impostor syndrome at play. It tricks you into believing that you’re a fraud, which makes you hesitant to pursue bigger goals and dreams.
4. Negative Self-Talk
Our inner dialogue is powerful. If we constantly tell ourselves that we’re not good enough or that we’ll never succeed, we start to believe it. Overcoming negative self-talk is one of the first steps in breaking free from self-imposed limitations.
5. Fear of Judgment and Rejection
From a young age, we’re taught to seek approval. The fear of judgment from family, peers, or colleagues can hold us back from stepping outside the box. We let these external pressures keep us stuck in the same place.
6. Perfectionism
Perfectionism often leads to inaction. If we wait for the “perfect” moment or the ideal circumstances, we might never take the leap. But remember, progress is always better than perfection. Small steps forward are what matter.
7. Procrastination and Overthinking
Overthinking every decision can leave us paralyzed. This “analysis paralysis” stops us from moving forward. The trick is to focus on taking that first step, no matter how uncertain it feels.
8. Comfort Zones and the Fear of the Unknown
Our comfort zones feel safe, but they keep us stagnant. Growth happens when we push beyond what feels familiar. Stepping out of the comfort zone might be uncomfortable, but it’s where change begins.
Breaking the Cycle: How to Move Forward
Recognize Patterns
The first step is recognizing when and why you’re holding yourself back. Awareness is the key to change.
Take Action Despite Fear
Courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s acting despite it. Taking action, even in small ways, is the path to overcoming self-sabotage.
Develop a Growth Mindset
When you face challenges, see them as opportunities rather than obstacles. View each experience as a chance to learn and grow.
Seek Help and Support
There’s no shame in seeking guidance. Coaches, mentors, and even therapists can offer perspectives that help you see things differently and move forward.
Cultivating Resilience
The road to growth and success is rarely smooth. Setbacks are inevitable. But resilience is what helps you bounce back and keep moving forward. Cultivating resilience means practicing gratitude, surrounding yourself with positive influences, and pushing through challenges with persistence.
The Answer to Why Do We Hold Ourselves Back?
We all hold ourselves back in one way or another. Whether it’s due to fear, self-doubt, or societal conditioning, recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking free. Growth doesn’t happen in the comfort zone. The key is to take that first step, no matter how small, and begin moving toward the life you deserve.
So, what will you change today? The time is now. It’s time to stop asking Why do we hold ourselves back? and start asking How can I take action now?
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